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*EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

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  • *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

    This event is for fun just to fluff our cool Game Gurus a bit. When your way up there we gotta poke fun at them when we can.

    Rules:
    No using names of any individual game gurus
    No calling them anything vulgar use your wit and intelligence cuss words are ok per forum rule sticky but saying "game gurus are assholes" is not gonna be selected as a winner and may result in a game guru ban hammer.

    Purpose:
    Use your most creative witty banter and make fun of the game gurus. Pictures and/or videos can increase the value of your post but doesnt guarantee victory.

    Reward:
    I will send a $20 itunes gift card via the gift menu in itunes (email) to the winner with the most creative funny post. If its really funny maybe even $50.

    *REMEBER NO HARRASING OR USING NAMES*

    Good luck and have a sense of humor gurus its all in good fun
    Last edited by Archaic; 06-28-2013, 07:38 PM.

  • #2
    Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

    My submission:

    Dear Game Gurus,
    First of all, if you are a fat twelve year old getting made fun of in the McDonald's drive-thru, STOP GOING TO MCDONALD'S. Otherwise, the insults and comebacks will not stop. There's no better way to take an asshole down a peg than to outwit them. Then again if they fire back with something better which you can't top, you're just going to look like an idiot, so use with caution. Unless you don't give a fuck, which is how it should be, so carry on.

    Second, go take up some sort of hobby or sport that will increase your confidence, such as wrestling, boxing, weight lifting, running, swimming, or any sport. It's 100 times easier to brush off the words of a douche bucket when you know you can hold your own if things get physical. But let me be clear: I'm not suggesting you should instigate a fight or any kind of violence. Just develop some physical strength or skills so you'll have confidence knowing you can stand your ground.

    Third, hang around funny, witty people; read funny, witty books; and watch funny, witty shows and movies so you can develop your own funny, witty personality. Chirping out the crap you find on the internet will only get you so far. More important is to develop your own style and be able to think on your feet. The first step in developing that social skill is to constantly expose yourself to people you want to be like. I can't really give you advice on hanging out with funny people--just go meet people until you find a funny one and then make friends with them. How do you make friends with them? Be nice, take genuine interest in things they like, and never insult or criticize them.

    As for shows...

    I recommend you watch shows like The League, Archer, and maybe Whose Line Is It Anyway. The League (on FX) is the funniest show on TV about a group of friends who talk trash--friendly, but stinging and hilarious trash--to each other about their fantasy football teams. Don't know anything about football? That's okay. You don't need to know anything about football to enjoy the show anymore than you need to know about medicine to enjoy Grey's Anatomy or House. Notice the attitude, tone, and style of wit these characters use. Then try to mimic that style in real life.

    Archer (also on FX) is a hilarious cartoon about a narcissistic secret agent who just doesn't give a fuck and spouts off funny one-liners and insults like it's going to get him laid. It actually does get him laid, but it's also a fictional cartoon, so don't get too excited. And finally, Whose Line Is It Anyway is just a hilarious improv comedy show, but if you play the games on the show with your friends and family, it will inprove your ability to improvise, come up with quality lines off the top of your head, and be funny. I actually REALLY recommend you join an improv group in your area if you can. Because practice makes perfect.

    As for books...

    I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max is hands down the funniest book I've ever read in my life. Since I probably can't do a good description justice, here are the words of the author straight from his website:

    "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way. I share my adventures with the world."

    If you want a primer on how not to give a fuck and live life on your own terms, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell is a collection of stories about exactly that, chronicling all the ridiculous situations he gets himself into, and all the hilarious, witty things he says and does throughout. I'm not going to lie, this book is a huge inspiration to me and his style has definitely shaped my own.

    Another great book to read if you to draw from an ocean of wit is Alphabet of Manliness by Maddox. Holy hell. If the dictionary had picture references, this guy's mug would be next to the word "funny." Again, I probably can't do a description justice, so I'll just recommend one of the funniest things he's written, and you'll know from there whether his book is worth the read: Crappy Children's Artwork and Crappy Children's Art - Part 2. You're welcome.

    In a few days, I will add more advice on things like:

    Coming up with your own set of values and principles and sticking with them no matter what
    - Choosing proper role models
    - How to deal with bullies
    - Links and other resources on eating right, getting physically fit, and how to defend yourself
    Anything else you want advice on. Email me: archaictz@gmail.com

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

      Now that made me laugh. lol

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

        Arch.. You really need to stop making threads with event in title giving your email out though I know it's one set up for games you don't use it for any other purpose. And threatening ban hammer when you have no power

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

          deleted
          Last edited by ocdo; 10-20-2013, 04:39 AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

            Originally posted by Voodoo jester View Post
            Arch.. You really need to stop making threads with event in title giving your email out though I know it's one set up for games you don't use it for any other purpose. And threatening ban hammer when you have no power
            Use your eyeballs I said "may result in a game guru ban hammer" I never said I would ban anyone, come on voodoo try and keep up

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

              Originally posted by ocdo View Post
              There is one game guru on the forums """"NO NAME MENTIONED"""" Who has a profile pic that reminds me of a T-Shirt I once owned that use to say I ran into Tammy faye bakker

              [ATTACH=CONFIG]1330[/ATTACH] <----------> [ATTACH=CONFIG]1331[/ATTACH]


              You tell me????? LMAO
              Haha thats awesome!

              PS my submission doesnt count someone will win.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

                Originally posted by Archaic View Post
                Use your eyeballs I said "may result in a game guru ban hammer" I never said I would ban anyone, come on voodoo try and keep up
                I am keeping up you're obviously not. :P

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

                  Originally posted by Voodoo jester View Post
                  :P
                  I know he idolizes me like Paul but Why voodoo jester is sticking his tongue out at me.... I don't want to know.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

                    That made me think of this line of conversation between two idiots:

                    "DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT ME SIR?!?"

                    "NO I DO NOT BITE MY THUMB AT THEE!!!"

                    Something like that (between Tybalt and Romeo)
                    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
                    - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

                      I'm not calling Romeo and Tybalt idiots exactly... But Romeo DID kill himself over a girl he met a few days earlier and Tybalt DID provoke anyone who moved...
                      "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
                      - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

                        Originally posted by Matt3600 View Post
                        I'm not calling Romeo and Tybalt idiots exactly... But Romeo DID kill himself over a girl he met a few days earlier and Tybalt DID provoke anyone who moved...
                        The worst part... Romeo was in love with another girl during the day...that same night he met juliet and fall in love....

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

                          Yeah, but the other girl (Rosaline), you know... she was just for a good time...

                          And Matt... I do not believe the thumb biting was between Tybalt and Romeo... more like their kinsmen... something along the lines of...
                          -Do you bite your thumb at me.
                          --I do bite my thumb
                          -But do you bite your thumb at me...
                          --(to a friend) is it legal for me to bite my thumb at them...
                          ---(friend) no, it is not.
                          --I bite my thumb, but not at you.
                          -Sweet
                          --Dude
                          -Sweet
                          --Dude

                          (I had a shower curtain previously that had the entire play written on it... i'm cool like that)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

                            Now, I don't think I know who the game gurus are, or what they do... how am I supposed to make fun of someone if I don't know what they do.... they don't do anything for me.... that I know of... do they? could they? will they buy me pizza? do they exist? do I exist? does pizza exist? yes pizza exists..... but if I eat it, does it become one with me, and if I don't exist, does the pizza cease to exist once it's eaten? I've gone off topic... I was talking about non-existent game gurus... I once new a guru... well, really he was an old man the spent all his time in a bar, and smelt of elderberries.... but hey, he might have been a guru... I think he was wearing a shirt with a picture of Tammy Faye Baker on it... he was a wise old man... I remember his words of wisdom to this day.... "wuzat a unicorn I saw outside?"
                            I live by those words of wisdom.... I pass them on to the gurus, as I believe that they need some words of wisdom... maybe not the words persay... but the wisdom, yes....

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: *EVENT* Game Guru Funnies

                              Originally posted by akaOtter View Post
                              Now, I don't think I know who the game gurus are, or what they do... how am I supposed to make fun of someone if I don't know what they do.... they don't do anything for me.... that I know of... do they? could they? will they buy me pizza? do they exist? do I exist? does pizza exist? yes pizza exists..... but if I eat it, does it become one with me, and if I don't exist, does the pizza cease to exist once it's eaten? I've gone off topic... I was talking about non-existent game gurus... I once new a guru... well, really he was an old man the spent all his time in a bar, and smelt of elderberries.... but hey, he might have been a guru... I think he was wearing a shirt with a picture of Tammy Faye Baker on it... he was a wise old man... I remember his words of wisdom to this day.... "wuzat a unicorn I saw outside?"
                              I live by those words of wisdom.... I pass them on to the gurus, as I believe that they need some words of wisdom... maybe not the words persay... but the wisdom, yes....
                              ^^^^^^^ WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? noone knows what it means but its provocative

                              i dont know the ggs very well so i guess that rules me out of the contest. ill read the funnies tho
                              sigpic

                              Comment

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